MFF 2009: Day Four - The Toledo Vortex

[pyat]

I had Beatles tunes (as sung by the Bee Gees and Aerosmith) stuck in my head all night, but managed to sleep soundly. The morning light streamed in bright and clear once again.


sassy_fae and I took our leave of halfelf and leonard_arlotte, and ate a mostly healthy breakfast in the con suite.


And that was that! Our time in con space was over, but we still faced the long and winding road (DUN DAH! DUN DAH! That leeeads to your doooor...) back to Hamilton...




As we left, sassy_fae wisely set the GPS unit (known affectionately as "GPySy" or "Hester") to avoid toll roads. The reasoning being that it was Sunday, and we could get through Chicago easily enough on the freeways. It worked like a charm! We were free to drift along the midwestern highways like a wandering comet in the... um... solar system... of... roadways... and.... stuff?


America has a lot of billboards. And they are almost all alarming, silly, or alien. There are many many many billboards for fireworks as you approach state lines.


And strip clubs. And adult boutiques.


And religious themes. And patriotic ones - billboards that just say "GOD BLESS AMERICA", for example.


There were lots of ads for hospitals, advertising things like "anterior hip replacements". And lots of billboards for insurance, and lawyers.


Oh, and guns of course.

We drove and drove and drove. We decided to stop for gas in Hebron, Indiana. I noted to sassy_fae that Hebron was the hometown of the title character in the 1900 novel, Sister Carrie. Then I reflected that I'd never been there before. Then we realized that we were travelling the wrong way.

(Also, I checked Wiki just now, and Carrie was from Columbia, Wisconsin, so I dont' know where the heck I know Hebron from.)

The GPS was avoiding ALL toll roads, and included border bridges in that. It was sending us to the nearest free crossing - somewhere in Vermont, I think, though it may have also been Kingston. In any case, it was adding a few hundred miles to the journey. We were already going the wrong way, south and west on a course that was taking us to Toledo. Toledo, home of Corporal Klinger, Mudhens and... and... that one restaurant that Klinger liked?


We did not want to go to Toledo. We pulled off in Hebron (home of the Flying J truckstop, a McDonalds, and an adult superstore!) for fuel and nibbles. The "free wifi" turned out to be "very expensive," so I didn't log in.


I found out where rednecks buy their ripped sleeve shirts!


And acquired a box of magical Americaland food!


We drove for many miles and hours through Indiana and Michigan. As we passed through Kalamazoo, I was seized by the thrill of the open road, and started filking a very, very, very obscure song. I substituted "Kalamazoo" for "Tuscalou."


Around Stevenville, we decided to stop for food. Here, the Fae One consults GyPSy.


Stevensville is near the lakeshore, and I clambered out to explore for a bit.


And then, Culver's! A midwestern burger chain of good repute.


We had their cheapo combos. I loved the fries with mayo, though the butter burgers were not as exciting as they sounded. We both came to the realization that not a single American fastfood burger we'd tried could compare to Harvey's.


I always want to stop in Paw Paw.


We saw many strange sights on the road. Magic tricycles.


Dead animals - this was one of the many dead deer we saw in Michigan, and the only one that wasn't roadkill. I assume.


Okay, yes, this is blurry. But when we saw the sign, both sassy_fae and I started singing "Moon over Parma".


And that is the actual Moon. Over Parma!


Finally, we arrived in Detroit at the home of kianir and tigerwolfvix! This is kianir, after I ambushed him with the camera.


kianir had just started a new job, and to celebrate we went for supper at a local diner...


...National Coney Island. It was very nifty. The sign rotates!


9 out of 10 bloggers agree - they are an adorable couple.


The Coney Dogs were pretty adorable, too. IN OUR STOMACHS.


As we left, I was challenged by a ghost from my past. The Galagian Armada had bested me many times, at the local Beckers. 27 years later, it was time for a rematch.


Hours passed as my fingers flew furiously over the console. I played those buttons like a piano, a piano of hot video death, as I blasted wave after wave of inhuman monsters! (Translation: I lasted about three minutes.)

Also, I left my laptop computer on the gumball machine next to the video console. And walked out. And drove back to Kia and Vicky's house, and got into Jenn's car, and she started to drive...

And we drove and drove.

And then we realized two things.

First, the GPS was sending us back to Toledo. Again.

Second... I'd left my laptop computer on the gumball machine at National Coney Island. In Detroit. Late at night.

In a scene reminiscent of something from Planes, Trains and Automobiles, the Fae One reversed direction while I desperately searched the GPS for the Coney Island location. Calling kianir was out of the question, as our cell phones don't work in the US, and Detroit doesn't seem to like payphones. After three false starts toward the wrong "Coney Island" chain, I finally thought to check the exact name of the restaurant by reviewing the photos on my camera.

We zipped back through some sketchy neighborhoods - liqour stores and Olive Gardens! Yeesh! We saw an arrest in progress in front of one liqour store.


We got back to the National Coney Island.... God Bless America, and Detroit. My laptop was sitting right where I'd left it.

We counted our blessings, reprogrammed the GPS, and drove to the border. Crossed without incident, and got home around Stupid O'Clock. And that was all.

This concludes my MFF con report. I want to thank all the wonderful friends I met over the weekend, who made the con experience so enjoyable. A super big thank you to velvetpage for letting me go, and to sassy_fae for being an excellent chaffeur and confidante, and for listening to me tell long winded anecdotes for 24 hours of driving.

Good night, and God Bless.

Comments

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I have heard from innumerable Americans that there are some excellent fast-food burger chains. I have never tried them, being vegetarian and most of them not offering veggie burgers. Most of them are apparently regional. During the time I was eating meat, I did find that no fast food chain there was anywhere near as good as Harvey's, which is especially weird considering how much better Lick's is than Harvey's here, so there's a whole echelon of fast food chain burgers above Harvey's. However, one thing that surprised me was that when I started having Americans up to visit, they mostly disliked Harvey's, sometimes strongly. They claimed that the meat at Harvey's is more like sausage than burger patty and that it tastes "wrong" on a burger.

[sassy-fae.livejournal.com]

Hmm, the only American I can remember having a Harvey's burger loved it! I'm going to have to poll my friends from South of the border to see who's tried them and what they thought.