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Well, that was certainly a fraught convention experience. Fraught, I say. But I shot a lot of film and got a lot of good shots.







More later? Maybe. I'm still frazzled. When life hands you chlorine gas, put on your carpet suit and dance.

When I noted I had really gotten into film, I meant.... like, a lot.

I have about 20 film cameras, in 120 and 135 format. I shoot black and white and develop it in my sink. This photo was taken with a 108-year-old camera. You cannot get an older camera that shoots currently manufactured film.

I've found it an incredibly meditative process. I'm not constantly snapping photos of things. I've learned to slow down and compose. I've also learned that I really only need one or two photos from an event, not 200.

Conversation is the root of friendship. The capacity to share, to sympathize, and to be a convivial and attentive companion may be a larger part of making friends than things like shared hobbies and opinions. It might be said that shared hobbies and opinions just give you things to talk about!

I am told that I am good conversationalist. I think sometimes I am, and sometimes I’m not, but I have had some thoughts about what makes for a good conversation. As I often do, I’ve taken these thoughts and nailed them down for your edification.

These rules apply to one-on-one conversations, dinner parties, phone calls, emails, and instant messenger interactions. And, I should note that they apply to conversations with friends. They are not rules for talking to strangers. I have some rules for that, as well, but they’re a lot shorter: "That stranger probably does not want a conversation with you."

These are not the rules to follow when you need to talk to someone about something specific. They are not the rules you follow when talking to your significant other. They are not the rules you follow when seeking a friendly ear to talk about something that is depressing you, or angering you, or to confess to sins, or whatever.

These are rules for general, light, positive social interaction that serves as the foundation for friendship. These rules make it easier to make friends, and help keep things interesting with your current friends. At least, that has been my experience.

1. If you won’t talk to people, people won’t talk to you.
This is the most important one. Talking to people is intimidating. You don’t want to seem needy. But, you know, everyone craves social contact. If you’re in a room with a friend, they want you to talk to them. They want you to call them, or page them on IM, or send them a friendly text. If you like someone, or find them interesting, go and talk to them. In most cases, they’ll talk back at you and the initial awkwardness about engaging will disappear.

2. Ask questions.
How do you start talking to people? Ask them a question, and keep asking them questions. Start with the superficial, if you like:

“How are you?”
“How’s work?”
“Did you see that movie?”

Then get specific. Ask questions that can’t be answered in a single sentence:

“How did you meet your spouse?”
“Why did you go to school for engineering?”

Most people enjoy talking about themselves. And, asking questions may inspire them to share anecdotes and stories, and so on. They will ask you the same questions. The things they say will fire connections in your memory, inspiring you to witty banter and intelligent commentary.

3. Be positive and enthusiastic.
Tell positive anecdotes, when possible. Ask people questions that make them remember happy things. Tell people positive stories from your job or life. Don’t complain about stupid people all the time. Be enthusiastic about your own topics. I would rather listen to someone speak enthusiastically about mixing paint, than listen to someone speak cynically about supermodels and ninjas.

4. Vent judiciously, if at all.
Don’t complain about your health or finances, at least not immediately. Establish a positive conversation and mutual sympathy, and then, if you have to vent or complain about something, do so judiciously and in small amounts. If you have a concern with someone, talk it out and address it. If you need to get something off your chest, you should, but ideally it should be a concern that specifically relates to the person you’re talking to.

5. Share, then listen.
Once conversation begins, feel free to share anecdotes of your own. Tell anecdotes about things you’ve seen, people you’ve met, and places you’ve gone, but don’t boast about them. If you don’t have any interesting anecdotes, talk about things other people have done. Draw anecdotes from history or fiction, if you have to.

Then shut up and listen to other people.

6. Be aware of your audience.
Listen to people. React to what they say. If they change the subject, go with it. Don’t interject with completely unrelated anecdotes. Be aware of existing prejudices, politics, pet peeves, etc., and avoid triggering them in most social situations.

It is okay to get into a political or religious debate with someone, if they came looking for one. But, be aware that what they are looking for is actually an argument. An argument is not a conversation. Arguments can be stimulating and fun, and they are sometimes essential, but they do not build connections or strengthen friendships.

7. Don’t complain about work.
This deserves its own entry because I see it a lot. Everyone hates their job sometimes. It’s fine to spout off briefly about your boss or coworkers when someone asks, “How’s work?” The key word is “briefly.”

Do not complain about your job for more than a minute or two. Let your friends make sympathetic noises, then move on to something else. Do not list all the absurdities you’ve had to face. Don’t complain about your coworkers or boss. Don’t talk about the stupid task you had to do today, or the annoying phone call you had. Save it for your diary or blog.

You see, we don’t work at your office. We don’t know what a TPS form is. We don’t know who Lydia is. Complaining at length about office politics or procedures will cause every brain in the room to shut off and give you a reputation as a negative person and a bore.

Especially key :
DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR JOB TO PEOPLE WITHOUT JOBS.

Seriously, it’s like going into an amputee ward and telling a legless man how much your feet hurt.

There is an exception to this. You can “talk shop” with people in your industry, and a large part of talking shop is bitching about common frustrations. In this case, you have the sympathy and comprehension of your audience and should feel free to complain as much as you like.

8. Do not complain about money.
See rule #7. Everyone is bad at financial management. We don’t need to hear about your credit card debt or your income. There are exceptions to this. Sometimes the conversation will turn to financial matters, and since everyone has finances, it can be thought of as “talking shop,” and is therefore acceptable as noted in rule #7.

9. Do not be afraid to be ridiculous.
Tell stories that make you look foolish. Be gracious when others do so. Be the butt of jokes. Crack puns. Make ribald comments (in appropriate company). Be whimsical. Do these things judiciously, but do them.

10. Speculate!
Finally, if you really want to get a conversation going, move it beyond the mundane. Ask people their opinions on things they’ve not experienced, and possibly never will experience. Ask them about weird and wonderful things. For example:

“Tell me about your dream house.”
“Do you want to live forever?”
“Have you ever seen a ghost?”
“What do you think it would be like to live in zero-g?”

Be prepared to provide your own thoughts on the questions they ask. And remember, that friends are the people you are supposed to share things with. Don’t be afraid to do that. The more you share, they more they will share in turn.

Thus ends the longest RPG campaign I've ever run. Tonight, the Hamilton Underdark Exploration Society finally faced and defeated Ashardalon, an anicent red dragon with designs on godhood.


He straddled the Fount of Pre-Incarnate Souls, devouring them, preventing new life from entering the Prime Material Plane. The heroes fought well - two of them died in the struggle. mar2nee's warrior madien, Ariadne, struck the final blow.


At the end of the game, everyone was 19th or 20th level.

• velvetpage was Velvet, who retired as a Rogue 9/Shadowdancer 10 to become spymaster for the Duchy of Urnst.


• doc_mystery, who has been writing about our exploits for the Alarums & Excursions zine, was Bishop Roger Thursday, 20th cleric of St. Cuthbert. Bishop Thursday went into a monastery to study and pray, at least for a time.


• shadow_maze was Eidolon, 20th level Elven Illusionist. He returned to spread the gospel of the Maze, and right the heresies that had arisen in his cult.


• mar2nee was Ariadne, 19th level Fighter. Though a human, she had risen to great respect amongst the Dwarves of Oerth, and settled down as a master smith in the Caves of Iron.


• Finally, Daniel's 19th level Half-Elven Ranger, Laucian. He retired with his wife and child in the Druid enclave of Ossington, where he dedicated his life to learning the ways of the forest.

It was a grand adventure with good friends. I know we will keep playing together, and I look forward to the next 8 years together!

Elizabeth has moved from drawing anthro tigress warrior princesses, to rainbow coloured unicorns.

velvetpage: We're playing Warhammer tomorrow tonight, come Hell, High Water, or Mutant Elves.
Me: You looked at my game notes!

We watched Casablanca on Saturday night. I just realized that this screening took place almost 15 years to the day of the time velvetpage and saw it at the Broadway Cinema in Hamilton, on Valentine's Day.


Which means this weekend just past was our 16th Valentine's Day together. We started dating in August of 1994.

Love ya, Erin. :)

Was playing Legend of Zelda with Elizabeth on the Wii. We got to the first dungeon.

"Say, this is a lot like Dungeons and Dragons, dad, except on a Wii."

"Don't worry if the dragon kills you. You can just look up how to kill it on the computer."

And finally..

"What's that thing? Oh, wow! WE GOT A TRIANGLE! YAY!"

We watched Logan's Run yesterday afternoon with doc_mystery, mrs_dm and shadowmaze, whereupon we went home, put the girls to bed, and I ventured forth to the Faehold to watch Kurosawa's Throne of Blood.

I think I gave myself artistic bends.

Remind me again how awesome you were...

( Rebel scum!! )