Someone had to write it.
Sep. 29th, 2006 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pyatYou know, I hate Borat. His schtick just seems like a celebration of ignorance, at best.
So, allow![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pyat to light a candle in the darkness, with this in-depth and definitive Dummy's Guide to those 'istan' Countries. It includes a long tangental discussion of the Taliban, too!
Afghanistan
Afghanistan has traditionally been one of the better known nations with an “istan” suffix. This is because it has a long history (at least since the 1800s) of being invaded by people who should have known better. Occupiers quickly realize that it is almost impossible to tax the citizenry in any meaningful sense. There’s little mineral wealth, not much in the way of crops (aside from poppies), and supplies have to be constantly shipped in. Worse, the rural population doesn’t like invaders and will shoot you if you try to go anywhere. It doesn’t matter how many of the raiders and insurgents you shoot. There will always be more. As time drags on, the occupier realizes that they aren’t gaining anything by staying, except grief, and pull out.
(As a completely unrelated aside, it is important to realize that the Taliban and Al-Qaeda are very different. The Al-Qaeda rank and file may be crazed nutjobs, but the planners and organizers are actually models of civility and modernity…. in their own little world. They like technology. They like creature comforts. They are hospitable hosts, provided you fall into the category of people they don’t want to kill. Al-Qaeda drive big cars and take their kids to the amusement park. They buy lingerie and jewellery for their wives to wear in private, or under their burkas. Their kids hang out on the Internet and trade files and play first-person shooters.
The Taliban are more like comic book villains. They passed laws against smiling, for crying out loud. Toys were outlawed. Television was outlawed. They were so hardcore, they were actually able to end opium production. No one before or since managed that.)
The best time to visit Afghanistan was the 1970s, when it was a relatively stable constitutional monarchy with a thriving tourist trade. Tens of thousands (perhaps more) of westerners visited Afghanistan during that period, touring historical sites and sampling the local opium. Four and five star hotels dotted the landscape. The country was also fairly liberal and secure. I’ve interviewed a woman who toured Afghanistan by herself for several months in the mid-70s, without a single problem. Her experiences in more “advanced” countries like Turkey and India were very different.
Kazakhstan
You don’t hear much about Kazakhstan, aside from allegedly comical stylings of Borat, but if you’re a westerner looking to visit one of “istans” with Internet access, and don’t want to get kidnapped or cursed in the street, this is the place for you. Of course, it’s not a very tourist-friendly place. As Wikitravel notes – “Its lack of significant historical sites and endless featureless steppe have put many off Kazakhstan.” That said, the former capital city of Almaty is near some beautiful mountains, and also has a number of Soviet sites that, while not “historic” to the locals, would be of interest to North Americans.
Kazakhstan is one of the largest nations in the world – 9th largest, in fact. It also has one of the fastest growing economies in the world. It is one of the few nations that’s actually managed to pay off an IMF loan, and it did so seven years ahead of schedule. The large cities are modern and relatively free from poverty, as even the poorest inhabitants have access to Soviet-built housing. They have a their own space program, and the country is home to the largest spaceport in the world, a facility from which most of the Soviet space program was launched. The chief inhabitants – the Kazakhs –have a curious mix of European, Middle-Eastern and Asian features which, as Kazakhstan steps into the modern world, may well become a new standard for exotic beauty on the catwalks of Paris.
Of course, this area of the world is not exactly a model of human rights. The president of the country has an inordinate degree of control over things, and some of the economic progress has resulted in bad news for the little guy. The police have been known to made warrantless arrests, and the government is known to put pressure on the media. However, it has to be admitted that in Kazakhstan the government feels they have to hide these things, and at least pays lip-service to reform and punishment of corruption. International observers have noted a great deal of progress in the last decade.
Kyrgyzstan
Kyrgyzstan is, in many ways, then opposite of Kazakhstan. It’s extremely mountainous, full of history, and dirt poor. The government is notoriously corrupt and inefficient, and major politicians are sometimes gleefully involved in open illegalities. Tourism is actually more common here than to Kazakhstan, as the geography is very pointy and bumpy and otherwise exciting.
The country is in the middle of some unrest, but the capital city of Bishtek is largely safe, as well as modern, though Internet access is hard to come by. Russians are widely disliked, and visiting westerners may get abused if they are confused for Russians. Kyrgyzstan is a very Islamic nation, but decades of Soviet rule have secularized this. As a result, social mores are very similar to Russia or Eastern Europe. That is to say, a little conservative, but you can get drunk or wear a bikini, and no one will stone you.
The national sport is a game involving a dead goat. That’s cool.
Pakistan
Pakistan is a military dictatorship that for years openly provided money and arms to the Taliban and Al-Qaeda. The current ruler (a kind of “Saddam-lite”) has threatened to use weapons of mass destruction on the world’s largest democracy. The country’s chief scientist provided information on the construction of nuclear weapons to North Korea and Iran, and the administration is regularly accused of harbouring Osama bin Laden. Pakistan is also an Important Ally in the War on Terrorism, a fact which in itself is a valuable lesson in realpolitik.
Sarcasm aside, if you have to visit one of the “istans,” Pakistan is not a bad choice, provided you don’t go traipsing off into the mountains. Not even the army goes there, pal. It’s also the easiest of the “istans” to visit. Most international airports will have daily flights. The larger cities in the modern areas of the country are every bit as modern as cities in India, and apparently have a rather smaller share of abject poverty. (I have no numbers on that, though.) Islamabad is considered one of the most beautiful cities in the world (parts of it, anyway!) and it is certainly a modern and fairly liberated place.
Also, it must be admitted that President Musharraf is hardly an example of an evil dictator. The government he deposed was corrupt, and he himself strives to be a moderate bridge between Islam and the secular world. It has been suggested that the worst abuses of his government were a result of his inability to restrain his ministers, or the need for compromise to stay in power. With the outside threat of American reprisals (which the Americans deny) after 9/11, Musharraf may have gained the stick he needed to keep his government in line with his own moderate stance… while at the same time scuppering his chances of keeping the real fundamentalists happy with things.
Tajikistan
Another former Soviet republic, and another weird mix of Persian, Asian and European peoples. Tajikistan is, frankly, a bit of a dump, but it is the only nation in Central Asia with an actual working parliament. The opposition parties actually do influence the government, though the current president (who is accused of practicing a kind of low-scale ethnic cleansing during the civil war) almost openly manipulates elections to stay in power.
Though currently stable, Tajikistan spent most of the 90s in a nasty civil war, and the infrastructure has yet to recover. Even telephone service is poor. The primary inhabitants are “Tajiks,” who resemble Turks, but have a distinct language. Though Islamic, the president seems to be encouraging the growth of Zoroastrianism. There are some very impressive historical sites here, but tourism is difficult.
Turkmenistan
This is an interesting place. It has a long and interesting history, and a varied and beautiful geography. It also has a lunatic running the whole show. The president, Saparmurat Niyazov, could easily give Kim Il-Jong a run for his money in the “Biggest Crackpot in Charge of a Country” race. In fact, my money’s on Niyazov.
Niyazov has:
Renamed cities after himself or his mother
Renamed the days of the week after himself and his mother.
Renamed the months after himself or his mother.
Invented a new alphabet for his countrymen to use.
Banned recorded music.
Ordered the construction of hundreds of monuments to himself, including a huge gold statue of himself in the capital, atop of a tower. The statue rotates to follow the sun.
Outlawed gold fillings.
Replaced all textbooks in the country with books written by himself.
Closed all hospitals outside of the capital city.
Required all physicians to swear an oath to him, rather than the Hippocratic Oath
The government monitors private conversations, and ANY criticism or joke about Niyazov is considered treason. Foreigners have been arrested or deported for very minor infractions of this.
The capital city is Ashgabat, which to me sounds like a great name for a tribe of orcs. Like the other former Soviet “istans”, the capital is full of monolithic apartments, wide streets, and minibuses. It also features hundreds of monuments to the president, some of which are made of solid gold. The city is located between a desert and a mountain range, making for some nice (though stark) scenery. One last interesting note - Flights within the country are subsidized and incredibly cheap. You can fly across country for $10.
Uzbekistan
Finally, we come to Uzbekistan, the red-headed stepchild of former Soviet republics that end in “istan.” Even Borat makes fun of Uzbeks. I actually thought it was a fictional country until I was in university, mostly because of the SCTV “Three Cee Pee One” sketches about “the decadent Uzbek.”
Uzbekistan has a very long history. 4000 year old settlements have been unearthed. For a long time, it was the centre of an impressive empire. Uzbekistan is home to “Golden Samarkand,” famed in songs and poems. In the 1300s, Tamerlane chased out the Mongol Hordes (not an easy task) and slapped around the Ottoman Empire with impunity, and prevented them from conquering Europe. Uzbekistan was conquered by Russia in the 19th century. Today, Russians are not very welcome there. Nearly two million Russians fled the country after Uzbekistan declared independence from the Soviet Union, and today a number of very biased laws are in place to encourage the rest to leave.
The current president (Islom Karimov) is a very nasty piece of work – he’s like Niyazov without the monuments and zany laws. He is believed to have ordered religious and political opponents boiled to death. In the last election, there was a single opposing candidate, and he openly admitted to voting for Karimov. The country is noted by nearly every outside agency (including the CIA) for regular and widespread violations of every basic human right. And hey, for a while Uzbekistan was another important partner in the War on Terrorism! After several hundred unarmed protestors were shot by police in May of 2005, Karimov proved too much for even Bush to handle, and the country is no longer an ally.
Uzbekistan is relatively safe to travel to, as crime rates are low and the police generally avoid hassling foreigners. And, since the country has a plethora of beautiful historical sites, tourism is fairly common.
So, allow
pyat to light a candle in the darkness, with this in-depth and definitive Dummy's Guide to those 'istan' Countries. It includes a long tangental discussion of the Taliban, too!Afghanistan
Afghanistan has traditionally been one of the better known nations with an “istan” suffix. This is because it has a long history (at least since the 1800s) of being invaded by people who should have known better. Occupiers quickly realize that it is almost impossible to tax the citizenry in any meaningful sense. There’s little mineral wealth, not much in the way of crops (aside from poppies), and supplies have to be constantly shipped in. Worse, the rural population doesn’t like invaders and will shoot you if you try to go anywhere. It doesn’t matter how many of the raiders and insurgents you shoot. There will always be more. As time drags on, the occupier realizes that they aren’t gaining anything by staying, except grief, and pull out.
(As a completely unrelated aside, it is important to realize that the Taliban and Al-Qaeda are very different. The Al-Qaeda rank and file may be crazed nutjobs, but the planners and organizers are actually models of civility and modernity…. in their own little world. They like technology. They like creature comforts. They are hospitable hosts, provided you fall into the category of people they don’t want to kill. Al-Qaeda drive big cars and take their kids to the amusement park. They buy lingerie and jewellery for their wives to wear in private, or under their burkas. Their kids hang out on the Internet and trade files and play first-person shooters.
The Taliban are more like comic book villains. They passed laws against smiling, for crying out loud. Toys were outlawed. Television was outlawed. They were so hardcore, they were actually able to end opium production. No one before or since managed that.)
The best time to visit Afghanistan was the 1970s, when it was a relatively stable constitutional monarchy with a thriving tourist trade. Tens of thousands (perhaps more) of westerners visited Afghanistan during that period, touring historical sites and sampling the local opium. Four and five star hotels dotted the landscape. The country was also fairly liberal and secure. I’ve interviewed a woman who toured Afghanistan by herself for several months in the mid-70s, without a single problem. Her experiences in more “advanced” countries like Turkey and India were very different.
Kazakhstan
You don’t hear much about Kazakhstan, aside from allegedly comical stylings of Borat, but if you’re a westerner looking to visit one of “istans” with Internet access, and don’t want to get kidnapped or cursed in the street, this is the place for you. Of course, it’s not a very tourist-friendly place. As Wikitravel notes – “Its lack of significant historical sites and endless featureless steppe have put many off Kazakhstan.” That said, the former capital city of Almaty is near some beautiful mountains, and also has a number of Soviet sites that, while not “historic” to the locals, would be of interest to North Americans.
Kazakhstan is one of the largest nations in the world – 9th largest, in fact. It also has one of the fastest growing economies in the world. It is one of the few nations that’s actually managed to pay off an IMF loan, and it did so seven years ahead of schedule. The large cities are modern and relatively free from poverty, as even the poorest inhabitants have access to Soviet-built housing. They have a their own space program, and the country is home to the largest spaceport in the world, a facility from which most of the Soviet space program was launched. The chief inhabitants – the Kazakhs –have a curious mix of European, Middle-Eastern and Asian features which, as Kazakhstan steps into the modern world, may well become a new standard for exotic beauty on the catwalks of Paris.
Of course, this area of the world is not exactly a model of human rights. The president of the country has an inordinate degree of control over things, and some of the economic progress has resulted in bad news for the little guy. The police have been known to made warrantless arrests, and the government is known to put pressure on the media. However, it has to be admitted that in Kazakhstan the government feels they have to hide these things, and at least pays lip-service to reform and punishment of corruption. International observers have noted a great deal of progress in the last decade.
Kyrgyzstan
Kyrgyzstan is, in many ways, then opposite of Kazakhstan. It’s extremely mountainous, full of history, and dirt poor. The government is notoriously corrupt and inefficient, and major politicians are sometimes gleefully involved in open illegalities. Tourism is actually more common here than to Kazakhstan, as the geography is very pointy and bumpy and otherwise exciting.
The country is in the middle of some unrest, but the capital city of Bishtek is largely safe, as well as modern, though Internet access is hard to come by. Russians are widely disliked, and visiting westerners may get abused if they are confused for Russians. Kyrgyzstan is a very Islamic nation, but decades of Soviet rule have secularized this. As a result, social mores are very similar to Russia or Eastern Europe. That is to say, a little conservative, but you can get drunk or wear a bikini, and no one will stone you.
The national sport is a game involving a dead goat. That’s cool.
Pakistan
Pakistan is a military dictatorship that for years openly provided money and arms to the Taliban and Al-Qaeda. The current ruler (a kind of “Saddam-lite”) has threatened to use weapons of mass destruction on the world’s largest democracy. The country’s chief scientist provided information on the construction of nuclear weapons to North Korea and Iran, and the administration is regularly accused of harbouring Osama bin Laden. Pakistan is also an Important Ally in the War on Terrorism, a fact which in itself is a valuable lesson in realpolitik.
Sarcasm aside, if you have to visit one of the “istans,” Pakistan is not a bad choice, provided you don’t go traipsing off into the mountains. Not even the army goes there, pal. It’s also the easiest of the “istans” to visit. Most international airports will have daily flights. The larger cities in the modern areas of the country are every bit as modern as cities in India, and apparently have a rather smaller share of abject poverty. (I have no numbers on that, though.) Islamabad is considered one of the most beautiful cities in the world (parts of it, anyway!) and it is certainly a modern and fairly liberated place.
Also, it must be admitted that President Musharraf is hardly an example of an evil dictator. The government he deposed was corrupt, and he himself strives to be a moderate bridge between Islam and the secular world. It has been suggested that the worst abuses of his government were a result of his inability to restrain his ministers, or the need for compromise to stay in power. With the outside threat of American reprisals (which the Americans deny) after 9/11, Musharraf may have gained the stick he needed to keep his government in line with his own moderate stance… while at the same time scuppering his chances of keeping the real fundamentalists happy with things.
Tajikistan
Another former Soviet republic, and another weird mix of Persian, Asian and European peoples. Tajikistan is, frankly, a bit of a dump, but it is the only nation in Central Asia with an actual working parliament. The opposition parties actually do influence the government, though the current president (who is accused of practicing a kind of low-scale ethnic cleansing during the civil war) almost openly manipulates elections to stay in power.
Though currently stable, Tajikistan spent most of the 90s in a nasty civil war, and the infrastructure has yet to recover. Even telephone service is poor. The primary inhabitants are “Tajiks,” who resemble Turks, but have a distinct language. Though Islamic, the president seems to be encouraging the growth of Zoroastrianism. There are some very impressive historical sites here, but tourism is difficult.
Turkmenistan
This is an interesting place. It has a long and interesting history, and a varied and beautiful geography. It also has a lunatic running the whole show. The president, Saparmurat Niyazov, could easily give Kim Il-Jong a run for his money in the “Biggest Crackpot in Charge of a Country” race. In fact, my money’s on Niyazov.
Niyazov has:
Renamed cities after himself or his mother
Renamed the days of the week after himself and his mother.
Renamed the months after himself or his mother.
Invented a new alphabet for his countrymen to use.
Banned recorded music.
Ordered the construction of hundreds of monuments to himself, including a huge gold statue of himself in the capital, atop of a tower. The statue rotates to follow the sun.
Outlawed gold fillings.
Replaced all textbooks in the country with books written by himself.
Closed all hospitals outside of the capital city.
Required all physicians to swear an oath to him, rather than the Hippocratic Oath
The government monitors private conversations, and ANY criticism or joke about Niyazov is considered treason. Foreigners have been arrested or deported for very minor infractions of this.
The capital city is Ashgabat, which to me sounds like a great name for a tribe of orcs. Like the other former Soviet “istans”, the capital is full of monolithic apartments, wide streets, and minibuses. It also features hundreds of monuments to the president, some of which are made of solid gold. The city is located between a desert and a mountain range, making for some nice (though stark) scenery. One last interesting note - Flights within the country are subsidized and incredibly cheap. You can fly across country for $10.
Uzbekistan
Finally, we come to Uzbekistan, the red-headed stepchild of former Soviet republics that end in “istan.” Even Borat makes fun of Uzbeks. I actually thought it was a fictional country until I was in university, mostly because of the SCTV “Three Cee Pee One” sketches about “the decadent Uzbek.”
Uzbekistan has a very long history. 4000 year old settlements have been unearthed. For a long time, it was the centre of an impressive empire. Uzbekistan is home to “Golden Samarkand,” famed in songs and poems. In the 1300s, Tamerlane chased out the Mongol Hordes (not an easy task) and slapped around the Ottoman Empire with impunity, and prevented them from conquering Europe. Uzbekistan was conquered by Russia in the 19th century. Today, Russians are not very welcome there. Nearly two million Russians fled the country after Uzbekistan declared independence from the Soviet Union, and today a number of very biased laws are in place to encourage the rest to leave.
The current president (Islom Karimov) is a very nasty piece of work – he’s like Niyazov without the monuments and zany laws. He is believed to have ordered religious and political opponents boiled to death. In the last election, there was a single opposing candidate, and he openly admitted to voting for Karimov. The country is noted by nearly every outside agency (including the CIA) for regular and widespread violations of every basic human right. And hey, for a while Uzbekistan was another important partner in the War on Terrorism! After several hundred unarmed protestors were shot by police in May of 2005, Karimov proved too much for even Bush to handle, and the country is no longer an ally.
Uzbekistan is relatively safe to travel to, as crime rates are low and the police generally avoid hassling foreigners. And, since the country has a plethora of beautiful historical sites, tourism is fairly common.
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 04:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 04:53 pm (UTC)But those Borat sketches are the best thing Cohen's done, really.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 05:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 06:46 pm (UTC)I've read the three articles pertaining to Cohen, Ali G and Borat. I'm in on the joke and it's kind of amusing.
That being said, Kazakhstan is a nation I'm fascinated by (pre-Borat) and it seems very level headed and industrious. Would be mildly interested in visiting that place. And Georgia too, but that didn't meet the "-istan" policy thus not covered.
I await your review of the islands of Oceana and north western Africa. I hear Gabon is a hoot!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-30 12:20 am (UTC)They're Rankin-Bass Christmas Special villains.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-30 02:37 am (UTC)Have you ever read, "The World's Most Dangerous Places" by ex pat Canadian Robert Young Pelton? It gives similar nutshell descriptions on some pretty nasty parts of the world.
::B::
no subject
Date: 2006-09-30 06:27 am (UTC)