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pyatDay two of the Conan MMORPG. I played for about 90 min, after the girls were in bed.
I had to fight my way past a herd of murderous gorillas before I actually got to the city gate. Every single one of them was carrying a bunch of bananas.
Now I, Pyatt, Priest of Aquilonia, carry many bananas.
I arrived at the gate and was informed that I cannot enter, since I am marked as a slave by my manacles. A kindly guard suggested that a blacksmith outside of town could help me. I found the blacksmith with a line up of escaped slaves waiting to get their manacles knocked off. He was quite happy to knock off my manacles, provided I went the quarry and brought him three bricks.
I got to the quarry and found bunch of other players fetching bricks. This marked my first in game interaction with an actual flesh and blood player.
"Huzzah, bricks!" I said.
"lol" said a thinly clad sorceress.
At that point a giant demonic bat appeared and tried to kill me for stealing his bricks. I killed the bat, returned triumphantly with the bricks, had the manacles bashed off, and returned to the city gates...
Tortage! City of Pirates and Mystery and Adventure! What wonders await inside?
Except there was a level 80 Jackass with a horse parked sideways across the gate, effectively blocking access for all the new players. In this screen shot, Pyatt, Proud Priest of Aquilonia, is lost amongst a bunch of skinless monsters who seem to follow around some of the evil wizard types. They're harmless, but they can clutter up the screen a bit. You can't see my character at all, but he's the one saying "Swell."
The Jackass on the Horse seems to have been bisected by the gate.
"lol just courch" said the Jackass. I think he meant "Crouch." And indeed, some more experienced players were able to crawl under the belly of his horse while the newbies milled about aimlessly, cursing.
Pyatt, Priest of Aquilonia, does not crawl.
No, really, he doesn't. Cause, like, I don't know how.
I wandered away from the gate and looked up the in-game manual, the control settings, and so on, and none of them told he how to crouch. I went back to the gate to, like... kvetch... or something. The Jackass had left in the meantime, happily.
Now, the adventure begins in earnest! Tortage! City of Delights! City where I can perhaps sell off all this crap I picked up in the jungle! And buy some trousers! It took me ages to find someone who sold clothes, and I had zero interactions with other players. They just seem to run from place to place, and did not reply to my Bronze Age halloos and "Hail Fellow'ing".
I sold my "Flaking Crocodile Skin Loincloth" and "Slippers Retrieved From a Pile of Elephant Dung," pawned the bag of gold teeth, and bought a frayed robe, frayed belt, a wooden buckler. Now I look more priestly. Or sissy.
I kept the bananas.
At this point, I quit the game. Thus far, the game most closely resembles that scene in the Conan the Barbarian film where he's chained to a mill wheel and doesn't talk to anyone for ten years.
I had to fight my way past a herd of murderous gorillas before I actually got to the city gate. Every single one of them was carrying a bunch of bananas.
Now I, Pyatt, Priest of Aquilonia, carry many bananas.
I arrived at the gate and was informed that I cannot enter, since I am marked as a slave by my manacles. A kindly guard suggested that a blacksmith outside of town could help me. I found the blacksmith with a line up of escaped slaves waiting to get their manacles knocked off. He was quite happy to knock off my manacles, provided I went the quarry and brought him three bricks.
I got to the quarry and found bunch of other players fetching bricks. This marked my first in game interaction with an actual flesh and blood player.
"Huzzah, bricks!" I said.
"lol" said a thinly clad sorceress.
At that point a giant demonic bat appeared and tried to kill me for stealing his bricks. I killed the bat, returned triumphantly with the bricks, had the manacles bashed off, and returned to the city gates...
Tortage! City of Pirates and Mystery and Adventure! What wonders await inside?
Except there was a level 80 Jackass with a horse parked sideways across the gate, effectively blocking access for all the new players. In this screen shot, Pyatt, Proud Priest of Aquilonia, is lost amongst a bunch of skinless monsters who seem to follow around some of the evil wizard types. They're harmless, but they can clutter up the screen a bit. You can't see my character at all, but he's the one saying "Swell."
The Jackass on the Horse seems to have been bisected by the gate.
"lol just courch" said the Jackass. I think he meant "Crouch." And indeed, some more experienced players were able to crawl under the belly of his horse while the newbies milled about aimlessly, cursing.
Pyatt, Priest of Aquilonia, does not crawl.
No, really, he doesn't. Cause, like, I don't know how.
I wandered away from the gate and looked up the in-game manual, the control settings, and so on, and none of them told he how to crouch. I went back to the gate to, like... kvetch... or something. The Jackass had left in the meantime, happily.
Now, the adventure begins in earnest! Tortage! City of Delights! City where I can perhaps sell off all this crap I picked up in the jungle! And buy some trousers! It took me ages to find someone who sold clothes, and I had zero interactions with other players. They just seem to run from place to place, and did not reply to my Bronze Age halloos and "Hail Fellow'ing".
I sold my "Flaking Crocodile Skin Loincloth" and "Slippers Retrieved From a Pile of Elephant Dung," pawned the bag of gold teeth, and bought a frayed robe, frayed belt, a wooden buckler. Now I look more priestly. Or sissy.
I kept the bananas.
At this point, I quit the game. Thus far, the game most closely resembles that scene in the Conan the Barbarian film where he's chained to a mill wheel and doesn't talk to anyone for ten years.
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no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:30 am (UTC)Sounds like the folks had a valid reason for being angry/irritated/up in arms about the release, eh?
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:35 am (UTC)I had just read this when a call came in. Thank you, for making me laugh at a customer in distress.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:36 am (UTC)I think "lol just courch" is good advice for anyone in need, mind you!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 02:56 am (UTC)Your guy looks pretty cool, even though he's wearing a dress and has huge man boobs. ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 03:58 am (UTC)These posts and the comments following them are great fun. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:19 am (UTC)I demand more lamenting women!
Pyatt, Proud Priest
Date: 2009-06-09 03:05 pm (UTC)BWAH!!! I love the way you write about this!!!
Reminds me of my younger D&D days...
Banana Skirt
Date: 2009-06-09 03:06 pm (UTC)Yeah!!!
(see icon)
Re: Banana Skirt
Date: 2009-06-09 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 04:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 05:23 pm (UTC)Re: Pyatt, Proud Priest
Date: 2009-06-09 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 06:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 06:06 pm (UTC)The "robe" keeps making more snort with laughter.
When a character in a game does something to deliberately impede gameplay by abusing a feature (like your horsie in the gateway) it's called "griefing".
And now you know! The More You Know! .ยท:*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:03 pm (UTC)Re: Banana Skirt
Date: 2009-06-09 07:04 pm (UTC)And how nice to meet someone who knows Josephine Baker! :)
::: doin' the happy hamster dance :::
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:08 pm (UTC)... which I'm sure is part of why Gygax hated the movie. Are you going to travel to the east to learn mystical posing techniques?
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:16 pm (UTC)"'scuse me, is that a banana in your tailpipe?"
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 08:09 pm (UTC)