The Martian Lecture Series, #3

More of the same. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, though I seem to be inserting more Space: 1889 material.

Everyone is cheery at first, or pretends to be, watchin’ Dear Old Earth and the Man in the Moon shrink away to stars. But following that is fifty million miles of just stars and Sun and naught else to look at but the cross and sweaty face in the next bunk.

You see, it’s a sort of Perdition aboard a Mars clipper at the best of times, never minding when they’re packed to the gunwales with men of different languages, different gods, and different customs. After a week, the air is sodden and filthy and even the walls are sweating. You fly out further from the Sun, yet the cabins get hotter and hotter. Water is rationed, food is rationed, soap is rationed, you sleep in a foul bunk you share in shifts with two other fellers, and half the time you feel like you’re falling into a bottomless pit.

By the end of the first week, the whites are yelling that the blacks stink of curry, and the Hindoos and Muslims are yelling that the whites reek of beef and pork, and the Welsh are picking fights with the Scots, and even chaps from Sussex are getting into fisticuffs with those foreign devils from Essex. We lost about two dozen of our force to brawls that turned bloody, as well as accidents that mayn’t have been, if you follow me.

Still, we arrived, on schedule. In June of ’68, our flotilla of eight unhappy ships dropped one by one into Syrtis Major caldera. Near on four months floating in a smelly sardine tin had our lads champing at the bit to get out into fresh air, and there was the usual great tumble and bustle to be first out the door after me and the officers. The noncoms kept a semblance of parade-ground to the proceedings, but we were surely a bedraggled and dirty lot compared to the polished honour guard and oompah band that hammered out “Rule, Brittania!” and “God Save the Queen” as we assembled. The music seemed a bit tinny and thin and it took a moment to realize that this was on account of the air.

Brigadier Middleton was there to receive my salute. His great white moustache and immaculate uniform made me feel poorly groomed and ill-shaven. He growled a genial “Welcome to Ares, Major General.” I replied with a dazed platitude, and we turned to watch the troops filing into formation.

It was cold, about as cold as an English winter night. We’d taken care to kit up in the wool overcoats, but they’d gone soggy with sweat during the landing, and turned stiff with ice by the time the band had soldiered through the third verse of “God Save the Queen.” The glass inside was showing ninety. Outside it was about twenty-five, and this at high noon near the equator.

Syrtis Major is black. This I knew from photographs of the place, but standing there was overwhelming. Mars is the red planet, they say, but the aside from the coats of the chaps around me and the bright silver of the band, everything was black stone, black dust, with black walls of the caldera rising at the horizon to meet… well, to meet a sky that was at least not black, but rather a sickly orange, with a few bright stars peeping down at us.

This was Mars, at last. And blow me if I didn’t hate the look and smell of the place from the first minute.

- transcript from lecture “Six Months in the Phaethonis,” by Brigadier Franklin Begg, HM Own Martian Rifles (Ret.), delivered to the Royal Astronomical Society, August 1st, 1888.

( Photos Below )

RPG Question

What is that new Savage Worlds game like? I was peering at the Solomon Kane hardback at Bayshore on the weekend and almost picked it up, but didn’t want to plunk down the cash on a game line I know nothing about.

Pyat's Evening of Ill Repute and the Smallish World

I would be remiss if I did not mention that last night, velvetpage kindly allowed me an evening out to go visitin'. So, I loaded up the Haunted Police Car with snacks and drove out to a spooky old house with a beaufiful garden, wedged betwixt Hamilton's largest funeral home and a Men's Detox Shelter. There, I played Munchkin four other guys, and uncovered an arcane series of connections...


_{Everyone knows Mr. Bitterguy!}
1. thebitterguy: His achievements and pedigree are known to us all! He was the person best known to me. thebitterguy has introduced me to a lot of people over the years. Like, for instance...


_{From L to R: Warren (or Mike) and Larry}

2. Michael (or sometimes Warren): Our host, a guy I met through the thebitterguy's Buffy the Vampire Slayer campaign (along with nottheterritory), about six years ago. He's a graduate of my highschool (When Delta's Hardy Boys fall into line / We're gonna win again another time!), albeit 7 years earlier. He went on to play in my Hackmaster game for a few months, and turned out to be good friends with one of the existing players, Andy, who is friends with Calvin at my current workplace. Michael is also friends with...

3. Larry Smith: Larry looked oddly familiar to me. Upon introductions, I learned that he was also a graduate of Delta Collegiate (Class of '85) and, in fact, student body president for two years in the mists of history. In yet another twist, Larry, who is a professional stand-up comedian, is managed (or something) by a former gaming buddy Greg Eden (Delta, class of 93), who was a regular at my RPG table from about 1987 till 1992, when he got too cool for gaming. Quipped Larry: "Greg told me all about that Star Trek campaign you guys were in." He also claimed that Greg had a crush on my older (or younger??) sister, the very thought of which gives me the Screaming Jibbliles. Still, Larry is a comic by trade. He may have been kidding.

This brings us to the final person at the table, another friend of Mike's:


_{He used to look a lot more like J.R. "Bob" Dobbs}
4. Chris Cracknell of ghastlycomic, aka "The Hot Chick From Facebook" : Now, this was a curious reunion! Though I'd never met him in the flesh, he played in my PBeM RPGs back in the days of the Nihilist Glee Club BBS, about 15 years ago, and we'd had several conversation via BBS forums. He remembered my BBS handle and details of my Dalek Invasion of Fraggle Rock RPG, during which he played Lithium, the BiPolar Fraggle. He's since gone on to fame and (modest) fortune as a professional accordionist and web cartoon guy.